Finals are over.

Finals are over and like every semester I wonder what on earth I was thinking. Who knew that it could be that challenging to take a full load of chemistry and physics and math classes? Carson asked me to blog about the differences between finals in high school and finals and college, so here you go.

1. In high school, particularly in a private high school like the one I attended, there are reviews. There are reviews during class, there are reviews at the teacher's house where they kindly serve you food and soothe your anxieties, there are reviews the day before the final, and there are reviews on Sunday nights at the school building. In college there are tests. There's the admonition to study your old tests and notes and examples in the books and the examples worked in class. There might be a response to your email that you frantically sent in the wee hours of the morning before the final. That response will probably tell you to study your old tests.

2. In high school there pats on the shoulder and answered questions and concerned smiles and even the occasional hug. In college your professor doesn't know your name, much less know that you're so worried about your performance that you've had dry heaves because you know that you have to have this class for your degree and that it's not offered until the next spring of an odd year and you're barely hanging onto a C.

3. In high school it is virtually impossible for one test, even a final, to cause you to fail the course. In college, it is highly likely that one test, especially the final, can ruin your grade, thereby ruining your GPA and your plans for graduation.

In four years of high school, I never received less than a B in a class. I also never studied for longer than three hours for an exam and I never had whole weeks where I subsisted on coffee, diet coke, and whatever random bits of food were in my fridge. In college I have definitely received less than a B and I have had long stretches were food came in third or fourth to a myriad of other priorities. It came after studying, mostly because I was trying to learn a semester's worth of physics in two or three nights, it came after catching brief naps, usually at work, and it came after attending review sessions, study sessions, and worship services. I don't know if any future college students will read this, but I'll say this: don't be alarmed. I've relished those experiences, because I know that I've earned my grades through hunger and exhaustion and serious bonding experiences with classmates. Sure it sucks at the time, but it'll garner sympathy from customers at work, your landlord, and your parents will probably send you a little extra cash for late night finals week pizza/caffeine parties.

They don't take head counts at funerals.

They don't take head counts at funerals and I wonder if they should. I believe it would give the bereaved an opportunity to quantify their loss. Perhaps it could be akin to the Pritchard scale for measuring poetry, a way to determine how long and deeply felt grief should be, simply based on the number of lives touched. See, that's the problem with grief: there's not much about it that's quantifiable. It's ebb and flow must be allowed to run its course, however it chooses, despite our best efforts to control it. Maybe we need a way to say, "Hey jerkface, this guy only had a handful of people at his wake, so it's obvious that I cannot continue to feel sorrowful anymore." or "Hey, this lady loved much and taught much and gave much, and so it's ok that I'm continuing to be in such pain because she earned it."

Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I'm too used to accounting for everything that I forget to remember the Creator and Sustainer of life. If nothing else, Brady's life and death taught me that it's too short to be bitter about anything. It's too short to be unfair to people and it's too short to demand my way when it hurts less in the long run to bend over for whoever or whatever is in question.

I don't know exactly how the great cloud of witnesses manifests itself, but Brady, if you were able to watch your service today, I hope you know just how much you were loved and just how much you will be missed. No more defense Coach, and no one ever gets cut their senior year in heaven.

Nope, no head count today, just a lot of people who were blessed by knowing this unassuming servant.

It would appear to be time to post my reading list for the rest of the semester.

1. Madam Secretary: A Memoir by Madeleine Albright- Madeleine Albright did much to inspire me as a woman, a Democrat, and a Christian, and it will almost certainly be a joy to read her memoirs.

2. Living History by Hillary Clinton- A controversial figure, Hillary is almost certainly running for President in 2008 and I prefer preparedness when it comes to voting.

3. Pi: A Biography of the World's Most Mysterious Number by Alfred S. Posamentier and Ingmar Lehmann- As a math addict, it's high time that I learn something about this most delightfully useful number.

4. The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne- Yeah, yeah, Mrs. Story, I know we were supposed to read this before we took the test back in junior AP English, but somehow I never got around to it.

5.The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis- One of the questions I'm asked most often is how a good God allows so much pain and suffering, particularly among his most faithful. Perhaps this book will allow me to move beyond my pat answer of, "God knows more than I do," as this is not always helpful for those who are not current believers in the Almighty.

I'm currently taking suggestions for Christmas break, so if you have any, feel free to leave them.